For the past four and half years, this has been her “go to” position for comfort. 

As a baby it was great… she totally self soothed… no pacifiers to chase down or beloved blankey to snuggle.  Just pop her index and middle fingers in her mouth backwards and start rubbing her ear (or twirling her hair) and she could instantly calm herself to sleep. 

We knew of course this would have it’s trade off.  We knew that the cost for an easy night sleep would pay its dues when it came time to break her of the habit.  Because unlike the pacifiers her older siblings used, you can’t exactly throw away her fingers when you want her to stop sucking them. 

And so, we put forth our best efforts to rally a campaign of no more finger sucking at age 3….

which then became age 4….

So, here we are, almost 2 months from her fifth birthday and she’s still sucking her fingers in the car, when she’s falling asleep, and when she’s snuggling on the couch….

Until this weekend….

At around 10pm Thursday night as we were driving to my SIL’s in Va, I hear here say to herself in the back of the van… “Look at me not putting my fingers in my mouth.  I AM NOT PUTTING MY FINGERS IN MY MOUTH”  We of course affirmed and praised this decision of hers. 

Next day, “Guess what?  I didn’t put my fingers in my mouth, the whole way to Aunt Karen and Uncle Jim’s or all last night or this morning in the van.” 

Every now and then, when she was tempted to put them in her mouth, she’d proclaim, “Here I am not putting my fingers in my mouth.”

This was the most telling to me, because I knew it meant she was making a conscious decision not to put them in her mouth.  For whatever reason she decided she wasn’t going to do it anymore. 

And we praised her for it and I promised to paint her nails when we got home on Saturday night if she kept them out of her mouth. 

Saturday night I painted her nails… 5 bright shades of fantastic with a top coat of glitter!!!

So, you can see all it took was 2 years of nagging her finally coming to the decision on her own to stop doing it and she broke the habit.  Cold Turkey!

I’m pretty sure this says something about her will and personality and the *fun* we’re going to have when the teen years arrive…

This past week our oldest son turned 8.  As quickly as that time seems to have flown, it is frightening to me to realize in just as little time, he’ll be waving goodbye as he backs a car out of the driveway.   AACK!   In the midst of this busy stage of life, I want to take time to reflect on who he is now at this stage, so I can cherish and savor it for years to come. 

He is passionate… when he is interested in something he is fully interested in it… reading, watching, playing, dressing up as… essentially eating, drinking, and breathing in that topic.  This past year those passions have been Star Wars, the Revolutionary War, Ninjago and basketball. 

He is thoughtful.  In soccer this fall his coach gave him the gentleman’s award.  His coach told me that he was so considerate, always thanking him after every single practice and game.  He does the same in baseball.  I never have to remind him.  When practice is done, he eagerly runs over and starts helping to put away the bases.  Then he goes and says thank you to each coach.  It fills my heart with pride to see him do this on his own initiative. 

He is creative.  He can turn an old ring pop into a Green Lantern ring and a stick into a bow and arrow.  He’s great at writing stories and making costumes and props.  He def seems to be “right brained.”  Messes don’t bother him, in fact he “can’t sleep when my bed is made.” 

He is sensitive. This fall when his great grandpa passed away, he told Scott and I that he wanted to say something at his memorial service. We were both nervous for him, but he was insistent that he wanted to get up and talk about Great Grandpa. I was so proud of him as he walked up to the microphone. He looked out at all the people and you could see the panic in his face. Scott was behind him and encouraged him. He took a huge breath and read his paper. When he sat down he said to me, “That was a mistake.” My son, that was no mistake. It took courage and bravery to do what you did and I know it blessed your Nana and Daddy’s hearts more than you’ll ever realize. You made me proud that day and Great Grandpa was honored.

One of my favorite pictures of my son from this past year is of him reading in our van on the way home from a trip to PA.  I love how much he loves to read and I truly enjoy hearing him tell me stuff he learned, “in a book I read once.”  Favorite books this past year were The Magic Tree House series, Cam Jansen, and currently The Boxcar Children.  He also just started reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.   

I love the way his tongue sticks out a little when he’s concentrating or working hard on something.  I love the way he loves his little brother and takes true joy and delight in him.   He is a great big brother to the circus crew and I am proud to have him leading the pack.

8 years old… almost finished with second grade… your right smack  in the middle of your childhood.  I love the glimpses I see of the man your growing up to be.  You make me proud for so many reasons.  But, I love you because your you.  I love who you are, and who God’s molding you to be and I am so thankful for the privilege of being your Momma.

It’s been really neat to watch the bond between my oldest and youngest.   Our baby was the answer to his older brothers prayers, as he longed to have a little brother.  I’ll never forget the look of pure joy when he found out he finally had a baby brother.   I know he can’t wait for the day when they can truly play together, but for now it is so neat to see the love between them blossom. 

Last night was proof that the love flows both ways.  The baby is used to falling asleep at night with his big brother on the bed across the room reading his book.   Last night, however, his big brother spent the night at a friends house.  So, when we put the obviously tired baby into his crib, he had his baby, his pacifier, light on, door closed…but no big brother across the room. 

When we walked out of the room, he was quiet for awhile.  Then he started crying… truly crying.  This is something he never really does when we put him down.  Typically, we put him to sleep and he will just lay quietly in his crib until he falls asleep.   I went back after awhile to see if maybe he lost his pacifier or something.  But, no he had everything he needed, yet he was crying.  After taking him out for a drink and laying him back down, he again started crying, REALLY CRYING. 

We both suspected it had something to do with the big brother missing from the bed beside him. 

So, Scott laid him down on his brothers bed.  He snuggled up and fell fast and sound asleep… for the entire night. 

It was his first night not sleeping in his crib…

sleeping soundly in his big brother’s bed…

It simply melts my heart…

I baby him.

A lot.

I know I never, ever babied any of my others like I do him.  It’s mostly because I know he’s my last, but also because he lets me. 

He weighs 27 lbs

and will be 2 in three months, and yet most days you’ll find me carrying him on my hip.  I joked the other day that you’ll probably find me carrying him in to kindergarten. 

By far his most favorite toy is a ball.  He still thinks all balls are footballs and before he throws you a ball he will hold it down to the ground and say, “hike-hike-hike”  Which when he does it with his Steelers football, it fills this Momma with pride, but when he does it to say a soccer or baseball, it brings a giggle. 

Today the kids and I went in the back yard to play and as I watched him, I realized how much of a little boy he is.

Try as I  might to keep him my baby, he really is growing up.  I guess it’s a good thing he has older siblings, because they keep me in line.  They don’t baby him nearly as much as I do, nor do they let him get away with us much as I do either.  (his adorable smile seems lost on them when he sneaks an extra cookie or gets into a mess)

Today as my 4 year old lifted him onto the big kid swing and pushed him, I watched in awe as he held on tight and giggled.  He loved every minute of it.   As he did climbing the ladder to the club house and sliding down the slide into his sisters arms. 

Of course, I can’t yet leave alone in the yard with the big 3 to play, I need to be there to catch and comfort.  But, he’s ready to play and explore.  And I can’t hold him back. 

He wants to do everything they do…  even if it means riding a pink bike. 

As I watched them play for hours in the warm spring sun,  I had that all too familiar feeling

that despite Momma’s best intentions

my baby is turning into a “big kid.”

Just look at him here, does he look like a baby to you?

What is going on?

My oldest daughter turns 6 this week.

6 years old.

It just sound so old… so, not a baby, not a toddler, not a preschooler, but a… girl. 

I spent some time looking back at pictures and videos this past year and I realized that 5 is a significant year.  She grew up A LOT this past year.

She started school.

She learned to read.

She learned to add and subtract.

She lost 3 teeth.

She learned to ride a 2 wheeler.

She taught herself to slide tackle in soccer… totally illegal in pee-wee soccer, by the way, but so completely instinctual for her that it was impossible to get her not to do it.

She grew as a gymnast…learning new skills…taking longer classes…

She made new friends.

As my role shifted from just mom to mom and teacher in this year of her life, I realized I have gotten to know her better.   I didn’t know how much she loved numbers and math and order and categories. 

As I think back on her 5th year of life, I’ll remember the winter hats she loves to wear… 24/7  because “I like the way my head feels when I take it off.”… The way she always writes all her Sunday School papers in black and yellow crayon, alternating each letter, for every paper, every single week…the Hello Kitty book bag and lunch box that she was SO excited about getting for kindergarten that she proudly told anyone and everyone everywhere we went, all about it….The cute khaki jumper she wears to tutorial and the fact that she always has to put shorts on underneath so she’ll be allowed to do cart wheels at recess.

I love how easily she smiles and how hard she works.  I love watching her grow into herself.  She no longer follows in her big brothers shadow wanting to do everything that he does the way that he does it.  She’s come into her own.  Which has caused some ripples at the circus this year.  But, I love the girl God has created her to be and am excited to see her continue to grow. 

Now We Are Six – A.A. Milne

When I was one I had just begun
When I was two I was nearly new
When I was three I was hardly me
When I was four I was not much more
When I was five I was just alive
But now I am six, I’m as clever as clever;
So I think I’ll be six now for ever and ever.

Truthfully, the circus family doesn’t spend much time on bikes.  We do a lot of fun things here, don’t get me wrong, but there are only so many hours in a day, and teaching our kids to ride bikes has not been where we’ve spent ours.

But, today the sun was shining, the weather was unseasonably warm here in MD again, and as the kids played in the backyard while Scott did yard work, our oldest daughter decided that today she wanted to ride her bike without training wheels. 

And I just had a feeling that she was going to do it.  You know, how sometimes you just know? 

They set off around 4:15pm.  At 4:20, Scott sent me this text.

“Great strategy.  Let’s not ride for 6 mths then go for it.”

I began to doubt that feeling I had earlier,  But…

at 4:39pm he texted me a picture of her riding off into the distance.

That’s right!!  She did it!!!  My girl’s on two wheels!!!

My Happy 2 Wheeler!

When I uploaded my last video to you tube, I got side tracked with a little trip down memory lane as I then watched other videos the circus fam has posted to you tube in the past.

And I came across this gem.

A few things I noticed while re watching the video.

1.  My oldest son used to have that cute  4 year old voice you swear you’ll never forget but inevitably do.  Oh.my.goodness—listen to that sweet lil voice!

2.  It must have been spaghetti night at the circus for I can think of no other reason for all of my children to be walking around shirtless.

3.  A tripod can keep a toddler busy for a great amount of time… must pull out that tripod again next time I need an extra hand fixing dinner.

4.  On days when I think a tornado must have blown through my house, all I have to do is look back at the video, b/c I don’t think I have ever seen my house more messy than in this video clip.  Hello there is a an empty milk jug in baby doll stroller!!

As I watched this clip part of me can’t believe that I published this on you tube and my blog?  Really, shirt less kids, trash on the floor…. wow… can’t get more REAL than that.  Why couldn’t this egg nog talk have taken place when the house was clean and my kids were in cute coordinating outfits?

But, you know those golden moments usually don’t happen then.  They happen in the middle of real life.  Messy/dirty/every day life… And we gotta seize them while we can… we gotta stop and have those conversations or run and grab that video camera, right now… in the moment… b/c before you know it that moment is gone.

Our oldest daughter had a little fun getting into her character for Halloween.  When posing for pictures in their costumes, she decided to  fully act out the part of Snow White.

I think my favorite part of the reenactment was when she asked us to take her picture sleeping with the apple. "Skip the ol posing by the door with the trick or treat basket, we’ll go for playing dead on the floor with an apple.”

Then she was awakened with a kiss from her prince.

“Thanks Dad for being my prince,” she exclaimed.

Oh sweet girl, there’s nothing he’d like more than to be your prince forever.

Excuse me while I go blubber in the corner as I think about this picture one day popping up on the screen during a video montage at her rehearsal dinner… can’t you just stay our little girl forever? 

September 27th—He’s officially walking.. No longer just two or three steps then fall down, but plodding on his own across a room before he stumbles.

October 7th- 10 days later -

Watch out world! This boy is ready to play.

My lil man reached a major milestone today as he played in the sand. 

We’ve been going to the beach, splashing in the water and playing in the sand all summer long.  And all summer long he has wanted to put fist full upon fist full of sand into his mouth.  You’d think eventually cause and effect would come in to play, but he never seemed to mind the mouth full of grit.  Even when all I had to wash it out with was a mouth full of salty bay water.  It was the single most frustrating aspect of our afternoons at the bay.  I can’t just hold him the entire time and yet if I set him down he’s eating dirt. 

Well, today I held him till he grew wiggly and set him down.  Fully expecting him to begin his typical sandy snack.  But, he didn’t…

He sat and dug and picked up sand and dug and then splashed water in his bucket for a good 45 minutes… he crawled around in the hot sand, happily playing, and not ONCE putting any sand in his mouth!  I couldn’t believe it.  I kept gushing and then had to take pictures.  This is a huge milestone!  This makes beach time truly fun FOR ALL in the circus clan!  Oh happy day! 

After almost an hour of fun in the sun, I suggested we not push our luck any further, so we went up to the shade for some lunch.

Now doesn’t he look waaaay too grown up sitting at the table eating his own peanut butter sandwich?

Clearly, he is the baby of the family, because I could not stop gushing at the site of him sitting at the table and eating his own sandwich…

Can you blame me though?

I just love the mouth full of peanut butter..

As the big kids went back to the beach, I was really starting to melt after all that gushing over my baby growing up so much. 

And so, just to make his momma’s heart swell a lil more, he took his pacifier, laid his head down on my chest and fell into a deep hard sleep in my arms while I watched his sisters and brother play with their friends.  Proving that while he may be growing up, he’s still my baby!