I’ve had a few shows over the past 10 years, that I’ve really loved.  You know the ones where you connect personally with the characters in a manner some might find unhealthy?   But, if I had to pick one, as my favorite (I’d probably kick and scream begging you to not make me limit it to just one)  But, if I had to pick one, than I’d probably say it was Alias.  I remember when Scott and I first started watching, the show was already a few seasons in (which is the best way to start watching a show b/c we watched the first 2 seasons on DVD).    I don’t even want to tell you how quickly we blew through those 21 episodes, staying up way later than we should for just one more. 

I loved it. 

Alias nights quickly became one of my favorite nights of the week, as we’d sit curled up on the catching watching Jennifer Gardner get the bad guys. 

And here’s where I offer you my secret confession.  In my head, when I watched her strut around in those crazy outfits with her blue hair and high heel shoes, in my head, I thought, “I could so be her.” 

I know… stop laughing… please…

But do you ever do that sometimes?  Have this version of you in your head that is so way cooler and so waaaay unrealistic?  It happens whenever I play volleyball too.  In my head, I am suddenly this awesome athlete that dives on the ground hitting the ball up setting it perfectly for my team mate to spike on the other team.  When in reality, I am just giddy if I actually make contact with the ball in an appropriate way (rather than say, getting hit in the face).  Reality is often a cruel intrusion. 

But, back to me in my high heel shoes karate chopping the bad guys as I sneak off with the secrets of some terrorist organization. 

I am a sucker for anything CIA, FBI, or any other acronym with I in it.  If it’s a redbox night and I’m picking and I see any of the above acronyms you can bet that’s my pick.  “What’s the movie about Crystal?”  “I don’t know some CIA thing.”   My heart is racing as they sneak into the building to steal the secrets… I can’t believe it when they go snooping through the stuff while the people are in the next room… How do they do that?

Lately, my movie obsession has crossed over into my book reading as well.  Last week I plowed through the first 4 books in the Gallagher Girl series.  OK, here is where my obsession perhaps starts to get a little embarrassing, as it leads me back into the world of Young Adult Fiction.  But, truthfully, I’ve found that I like young adult fiction. (Hunger Games anyone?)  It’s clean which I appreciate and an easy read.  Anyway, Gallagher Girls is a cute series about a top secret spy school for high school girls.  A tad adolescent, I know, but by book 3 and 4 I found myself up past midnight with my little book light on eager to read on.   This weekend, I read a more adult CIA fiction book, which I would describe as realistic fiction.  It gave a much less glamorized view of the spy life than that I’d seen on TV.  And while I did enjoy it, I found myself forlornly telling Scott, “I don’t think I have what it takes to be a spy.” 

Again, stop with the laughing. 

It’s always hard when reality comes intruding again.  I had this really cool image of myself with this awesome cover (minivan driving stay at home mom) who could totally kick but with a handgun, keep cool under pressure, and karate chop better than Daniel-son.  And truthfully, I find myself realizing, I could NEVER lie to my husband, spot a tail, or shoot a bad guy.   But, I’d love to file their paper work.  Now that would be a dream job! 

It’s Monday and I’m being "Miss Elaine-ous" over at The Miss Elaine-ous Life!

For all those wondering if there is truly hope for the hopeless… those who’ve made their resolutions and long since broken them… for those that thought, perhaps your just destined for failure…. to those… I offer this little glimmer of hope….

Our last visit to the library—if that trip didn’t redeem us, I don’t know what will!

Those who have been long time readers here at the circus… might recall I have a bit of a bad history with the library…  first, we have the whole circus family wing of the library thanks to the $18 fine visit and the $42 fine visit.  Then we have the patronizing librarian who made me feel insecure in my mothering skills…

I’ll be honest, for awhile I just avoided the library at all costs. 

But, they keep luring in me in with the promise, the hope of free books.  (and really great story times for the younglings).  And now that my oldest is reading a chapter book a night, I had no choice but to buck down and get a system in check for the library.  Because 1.  I don’t want to discourage his love for reading and 2.  I can’t afford to keep paying $40 a pop for a library visit. 

So, my e-mail address is registered with the library and they e-mail 3 days ahead of my due date warning me that it is coming. 

But, here is the miraculous part… now I actually do something about it. 

Last Wed, we had a bunch of library books due.  It was a kinda rough day at the circus, b/c my oldest was home sick from the tutorial and I was scrambling to take care of him, help him with his school work and do my normal Wed chores…  not the ideal day for the library. Here is where old Crystal would say, “oh well… it’s not a good day, I’ll return them another day then.”  but the new Crystal actually hunted down the books and put them in a bag before heading out to pick up my daughter from tutorial.  However, we were running late (as usual) and I didn’t have time to gather them all.  Old Crystal would have just returned what she had and given herself an A for effort for the others.  But, instead, we picked my daughter up from tutorial, drove home, I left the kids in the van while I ran in and gathered ALL the books and we headed to the library.  I had 2 books which I was still reading so I left those on my passenger seat so I could see if I could renew them and if I couldn’t, I’d just drop them in the book drop before pulling out of the parking lot.

LOOK AT ME GO! 

Well…. when it came time to check out, the most amazing thing happened.  We were checking out with our giganto bag of books and everyone, including the youngest, was begging to give their book to the librarian.. I was juggling the baby, the bag of books, the purse/wallet/library card… and in the midst of all this chaos, the librarian said, “Your kids are always so well behaved.” 

REALLY?

Because I had shhhhshed them at least 10 times in the back of the library reminding them to use their “library voices” and thought for sure we were ahem… noticeable to say the least.  I even said, “Really?  Us?”  to which she said, “Oh yes, you should be very proud, I see all kinds here at the library.” 

This totally made my day.  (funny how a few little words of praise can really brighten someone’s day… hmmm… I am sure there is a lesson to be learned there)

Turns out those 2 books on my passenger seat where in fact unrenewable as someone had put them on hold and OH WAIT… there is another book we forgot to return which is also unrenewable.    So…. we head back to the car, I drive around to the book drop and have my oldest run the 2 books up to the book drop, then we drive home and I send my oldest up to his room to find that missing library book.  He comes down book in hand and we head back to the book drop to return the book.

THIS IS A TRUE CIRCUS MIRACLE!

I must have been walking on sunshine from that librarian’s praise, b/c the old Crystal would have said, “eh… I tried… I went to the library that’s good enough”  and $5 and 43 cents later I’d have found the book and returned it. 

Because, yes, I really was that pathetic.  

When Scott got home from work, I was literally beaming from ear to ear as I reported what a good job we did at the library.  We got complimented by the librarian  and wait Scott there’s more… NO LATE FEES!!  Strike up the band, order up some balloons, let’s have a party…it can be done folks! 

I feel busy… these past few months have probably been the busiest I’ve been in quite awhile.  Scott worked a ton of overtime, the oldest three played soccer, the girls both did gymnastics, my oldest son started piano lessons, cub scouts is back in action, the home school year began—it takes up way more of my day than it used to…. I am not complaining… I willingly signed up for all of these things (ok… except for the overtime part) and I enjoy them… it’s a stage of life for us that is fleeting, I know. And I am enjoying it. But it is a different stage for us … and it is busy.

All that to say, I have sorta fallen off of the blogging band wagon.  I keep saying to myself, “Oh I’ll blog that..” And then when the day is over, the kids are in bed and I sit on the couch with the computer in front of me… I draw a blank… or I don’t feel like writing anything.  Those “good ideas” I had earlier have flown the coup and all I have is a blank screen and all I feel like doing is scrolling through face book, catching up on a show on the DVR, or reading a book… 

I know I am not destined to be a famous blogger.  I am not going to get hundreds of hits a day or find myself speaking at a blog conference.  I am “just another mom blog” of which there are thousands… and sometimes at the end of a long day/week/month I ask myself, “why bother?”  “why do I blog?”   And then I’ll look at the sidebar on my blog which posts links to old blogs and I’ll click over and I’ll remember days gone by that I had long forgotten… vacations that I have yet to scrapbook, my favorite Halloween photos of my oldest daughter ever,  oh my goodness… I totally forgot it wasn’t that long ago when SHE was my baby!, and seriously when did he grow up? (he used to always leave our house in one crazy costume or another… I forgot that)   That is one reason I blog… to preserve the present so I’ll have it to look back on later.   Another reason I blog is to keep friends and family up to date on the happenings here… We are so blessed to have my grandma and Scott’s Nana reading our blogs… It allows them to follow their great grandchildren  in their day to day activities and antics, which they otherwise wouldn’t be able to do due to the fact that they live far away…. I also strive to blog as a way to “bring glory to the one who made me”… and as an added bonus I’ve been blessed to meet some new people who I now consider friends and to further develop some relationships with people I knew in real life, but not as well as I’d have liked…

And so, I am not giving up on blogging… but I am struggling to find my voice in this new stage of life and to find the time of day that I have the energy and distraction free time in which to do it.  Thanks for being patient while I figure it out…

A few pics of life around here this week…

Now that my oldest 2 are at their tutorial two days a week, I find myself with just 2 children at home on those mornings.   It is a truly odd feeling and a dynamic I am not yet used to.  Though I am sure it is nothing compared to the strangeness I’ll feel next year when I am left with only my lil man two days a week. 

I am hoping to use this time to

1.  take care of errands

2. stay on top of housework/laundry

3.  enjoy some quality time with my youngest two

I was thrilled when I learned our library will be hosting story time a few times a month on the same mornings as our tutorial.  When I told my 4 yr old that we’d be going to story time this week she responded, “Story time, what’s story time?”   meanwhile simultaneously, my oldest child said, “Awh, story time… I remember story time… I loved story time!”

And there ya have it folks…evidence that you truly don’t parent the same way each time around. 

I remember with my oldest and even when his little sister came around, we went to story time… all the time… we were regulars…even hitting up more than one library.   Then number 3 came along and we went for a bit.. as I sat nursing her in the back row, trying to keep my toddler sitting quiet and encouraging my 3 and 1/2  yr old to go ahead and sit up front without Mommy… you can easily see with that beautiful picture how story time slowly became a think of the past… that and the fact that for awhile I banished myself from the library as a way of keeping my overdue fines in check.  Topped off with the fact that I couldn’t really go to story time on days we were schooling at home, b/c we had school work to do.. and then number 4 came along and he needed a nap in the morning, plus the girls played so nicely together when there brother was gone, why not take advantage of that time to catch up at home….yada, yada, yada… you end up with a 4 yr old who doesn’t even know what story time is.

I am happy to report that story time was a huge success this morning and we plan to return next month for more stories, songs, and crafts!

Scott and I have a few sayings  that we use often with the kids.

Life is not Fair

Life isn’t Always About You

You Can’t Cry to Get What You Want

and….

Never Trust a Bad Guy

1 -3 are pretty self explanatory… in a family of 6, you learn quickly that your not going to get what you want when you want it, you gotta wait, and that’s just the way it goes.   I try hard to remember who had the blue plate yesterday and who got to use the dog towel last after the bath, but you know… I can’t always keep track of it.  And while we do our best to keep things balanced, it’s just going to happen that someone is going to spend the night at a friends house and your not necessarily going to get to that same night.  It’s a hard pill to swallow and it often stinks… but you know, it is life.  And I’ll confess quite often, I need to remind myself of these same things… b/c sometimes I too want it to be all about me… sometimes I too get irritated when life doesn’t seem fair, and sometimes I too just want to sit and cry when things don’t go my way. 

So, we find ourselves repeating these truths… often.

I had to laugh when the girls were watching a DVD one day on the portable DVD player… some sort of “discussion” was taking place over the fact that one of them was holding it and not the other… I listened in to see if I was going to need to step in soon…

“It’s not fair that you get to hold it and I don’t!”  the younger complained…

“Well, remember, life’s not fair!” the older responded…

Yea… Mom had to step in and keep the peace during that little discussion…though I did inwardly chuckle and that application of a truth she’s obviously heard often…

A few weeks later the older 3 were arguing at the table and again one of them tried to pull the ol “life isn’t fair” card… this time the 5 yr old complained, “ I hate that they always say that to me… except for my sister she always says, “Remember what Dad always says, Never Trust a Bad Guy!”

This made me laugh out loud. 

When watching movies Scott often points out how untrustworthy bad guys are… when one bad guy will trust another bad guy, he’ll always say, “Remember never trust a bad guy.”   And inevitably later in that episode or movie that bad guy will have been double crossed and he’ll point out how it wasn’t a good idea to trust a bad guy.” 

I just love that my 4 yr old goes around saying that completely out of context… totally made me laugh… picture it…

“That’s not fair, it’s my turn for that seat.”

“Well, remember what dad always says, never trust a bad guy!”

So, I guess you have it… our family sayings… I had to chuckle when thinking about those cute little personalized subway art signs with family sayings that you see all over the blogosphere these days… don’t think ours would make for a very cute DIY project.    But, then again, I’m not that crafty anyways!

While our world wind trip to and from Florida went off really without a hitch, the 48 hrs since pulling into our driveway have been anything but smooth sailing.

Allow me to complain… 

We got home at 9pm on Sunday night… we unloaded what we had to, put the kids to bed and sat on the couch. 

Monday morning was back to reality… Scott had to be at work at 8, and the oldest two had to be at church at 8:45 for VBS.  I was so, so tempted to keep them home… and just spend the day in our pjs catching up on laundry and unpacking.  

Part of me wishes I had done just that.  But, I took them to church (late of course) then went to pick up our dog from my friends house.  My friend graciously offered to watch the youngest 2 while I went to Aldi to pick up a few things.  I was so excited, going to run a quick errand and then visit with a friend before picking the kids up from church. 

I don’t shop at Aldi very often.  I think all of my friends do, but me.  Truth is, it’s out of the way, and not convenient so I don’t go.   But, since I was in the area and kid less, I figured I’d check it out.   Well, I forgot all about the fact you need a quarter to get your cart… couldn’t find a quarter anywhere in my van… if only you could pay for your cart with cheerios, then I’d be set…no problem, this won’t get me down, the kids aren’t with me, I’ll just grab what I can and make more than one trip… yes, that’s right, my bright idea was to make 4 different trips through Aldi carrying everything.  Perhaps I should be thankful that after trip one, when the cashier rang me up, I learned the other Aldi rule… they only take cash or debit cards.  And of course I couldn’t remember my pin number to save my life. 

I left Aldi’s empty handed. 

Had a great visit with my friend and then back to church for the kids… it is hot and humid… got the kids and finally got them all buckled (which is not an easy feat with the current car seat configuration that we used for our long car ride)… more than ready to get home, eat, shower and on with the day… only the car won’t start. 

Try, try, try some more… same stinkin result.

The kids and the dog and I waited in the church parking lot for Scott to come and rescue us.   He is finally able to get it to go and he drives the kids home, while I follow in his car.  He then takes the car to the mechanic.   I was tired… frustrated… and so ready for a break. 

When my son prayed that evening, he prayed that tomorrow would be a better day with less fighting. 

As I talked to my dear friend on the phone, I shared the misery of my day and how bad I felt for taking it out on the kids. 

She responded, “I didn’t think you yelled at your kids ever.”

For real?  How is it that my best friend thinks I never yell at my kids?  I have tried to make it my aim in life to be transparent/the real deal.  Seems I have failed at this big time.  So, blogging friends… yes, my kids are a victim of my imperfection and I do yell at my kids.  No, I am not proud of it.  I like to think I don’t do it all the time, but truthfully, I do it more than I’d like to admit. 

Day 2:  A friend graciously offers to take my kids to VBS for me since I am without a van.  I invite her and her younger 2 to visit after she drops them off.   This is a new friend whom I just met this spring.  I appreciate her a lot.  Unfortunately, I think every time we have gotten together my house is either messy or my kids are misbehaving. 

Today, she got to witness both.

Humbling to say the least.

This afternoon we head to gymnastics (hooray for having the van back). While my oldest has her class, I take the younger three for Aldi Attempt 2 (this time I came armed with my quarter and my pin number).  I left with food and a screaming baby.  After a quick stop at a friends for a little “thinking of you treat” I leave sooner than planned b/c the baby is still screaming (we’re not in Florida anymore)…back to gymnastics, hoping to catch the last 15 minutes and visit with my friend in the waiting room, only to head back to the car b/c my kids are misbehaving… insert more humble pie and a big ol dose of frustration. 

I went home a different route than normal b/c I wanted to pick up sweet corn from the farm stand.

The stand was closed. 

And then as my kids are whining about the dinner I had packed for them, the baby is crying again… I suddenly notice the car is making a weird noise AND it seems low on my side…

Long story short (yea… this post seems anything but short), after a few failed attempts, I finally reach Scott, he comes with a cold coke and 2 bags of mini Oreos… he teaches my son how to change a tired and we’re finally home. 

I know I should be so thankful we didn’t break down on our trip.  Instead I broke down at church.  A safe and comfortable place to get stranded.

I know I should be so thankful I didn’t get my flat on the side of 95 in the middle of the night. 

And on one hand I am, truly thankful.

But, to be honest, on the other hand, I am fed up with this week and can’t believe it’s only Tuesday.  

Re-entry has been rough, Wednesday, please be nice to me, kay?

It seems it might be time to do a “keepin it real” post of the circus life. 

Because blogging is a funny thing… I typically write my blog posts during nap/quiet time… when the kids are all off in separate rooms sleeping or playing quietly alone… and well, that sweet time of day allows a mom to gather herself… grab a bit to eat, relish in the quiet and it sets a very different tone than if I was writing in the morning while 4 kids are pulling on my legs asking for food or complaining.  And rarely do I think to grab the camera when my living room is covered in dirty clothes and toys and my sink is overflowing with dishes… those most often are not the memories I seek to savor for later.  And so, those most often aren’t the moments I blog about.    But, then as a result,  when I sit down to blog, I tend to write more of the gushy stuff.  Which I do want to record and remember in years to come (or even next week when the kids are hitting each other and screaming b/c we have 2 swings on our swing set but 3 “swingers”).  But, I also don’t want to just record those moments…

So, here are a few typical real moments at the circus…

I think the morning “rush hour” is one of the most stressful times at the circus abode… Scott is rushing to get out the door, I am trying to help him so he isn’t late, the kids are hungry, they want their vitamins, they want their chocolate milk or OJ, and their tv show…and Momma just wants her coffee and a  few minutes to check Facebook and e-mail.  So I am packing a lunch, making Ovaltine, pouring cereal, making toast, making coffee and all usually while having to pee.  Harsh words are often uttered.   And I feel bad.  And I know that if I just got up 30 min earlier it would be different.  But typically, in my head I think “I should get up an hour earlier and run and do my Bible study and then have a cup of coffee in quiet while reading the computer and then be ready to greet my kids with a smile and breakfast on the table”… but then I don’t feel like getting up an hour earlier to run or read my Bible and so instead of even getting up even 15 min earlier to pee and make my coffee… instead I sleep until I hear Scott in the shower (or ummm getting out of the shower)  and then I drag myself out of bed with children clamoring on me saying, “Mom, I want…” and me thinking, “Tomorrow I’m getting up before the kids…”

Most mornings my sink looks like this. 

I know it would be easier if I did them the night before and started the day with a clean kitchen, but 2 nights a week I feed the kids early and Scott and I eat after they are in bed.  I just don’t feel like doing dishes after 9.  We typically eat our dinner, enjoy some quiet conversation (though often interrupted by kids needing something) and then sit down to watch TV.  I don’t feel like first cleaning up the kitchen before watching TV.  I’m tired and ready for the day to be done. 

And there ya have it, a little dose of reality or a helpin of humble pie served to you this 4th of July weekend.  And now I need to finish packing the van before quiet time is over!!

While looking through pictures recently, I stumbled across a few which truly captured life at the circus in its essence.

Exhibit A: taken in December of 2010

Here they are working on the pine wood derby car for Cub Scouts.   Notice how everyone, even the baby, is in on the action?  Noticed the leotard?  My girls wear leotards every.single.day…. even though gymnastics is only twice a week, I can guarantee you those leotards are on more often than that.    Also, noticed my baby ripping his sisters glasses off?  He still loves to go for those glasses.  I love how he isn’t even looking at her, just out of the corner of his eye, he spots them and goes in for the grab…

Exhibit B: Taken in September of 2010

Here we are keeping the baby occupied.  My oldest son was reading to his little brother and then his sister had to follow suit.  It’s September and yet my daughter is wearing her bathing suit (even though I can pretty much guarantee you we didn’t go swimming that day) and my oldest son is wearing  an astronaut suit that is WAAAAY too small for him.  I believe his 3 yr old sister could fit into that more appropriately. 

Exhibit C: Also taken in September of 2010

I call this one tolerating tummy time.  And it really shows a lot about my son’s personality.  He was not a big fan of tummy time.  And even though his sisters are doing their best to entertain him… love how my 5 yr old is going to town on the baby piano for him, he really is not at all thrilled with this whole tummy time thing.  But he doesn’t cry… doesn’t complain… just lays there on his belly with a look that says, “How long Mom?”  “How long do I have to endure this?”

Something tells me that these pictures, not the posed group shots of them all smiling sweetly, these little glimpses of everyday life at the circus, are the ones I will treasure 20 years from now.  I’ll look at them and remember this crazy stage of life when the days were loooong and the years flew by way to fast.   Oh, how I love the chaos and costumes that makes up the circus life. 

Last week after telling my kids the Bible story of  baby Moses, I decided to offer a little application for them.  I pointed out how neat it was that God took care of Moses as a baby by allowing the princess to find him.  I even told how amazing it was that his own mother was allowed to take care of him before he went to live at the palace.  After discussing how Moses grew up in the Egyptian palace, I pointed out how God used that later in his life when Moses led the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt.   I was going on about how we don’t understand the plans God has for our lives, but he has special plans for each of our lives, and just like God had a plan for Moses, he has a plan for each of them. 

Of course my son had to be argumentative (is 7 the new 13 or is this just at the circus?)  and say he didn’t think there was anything special about his life.   Which I then refuted, telling them that long before they were even in my belly, God had planned out their entire life and he did indeed have a special plan for each of them. 

My son, then replies, “Well, what about you Mom?  God didn’t do anything special with your life.”

Seriously folks, motherhood is not for the faint of heart… ya gotta be thick skinned to survive this stuff.

I refuted with the fact that I thought my life was pretty special… look I get to raise and take care of 4 special kids (sweet, loving kids who think the world of their mother… ahem)    and FURTHERMORE… I pointed out… my life is not over… who knows what other things God has planned for me or through me… thankyouverymuch!

But, apparently, you gotta lead God’s people out of captivity and into the promised land in order to be considered special around here. 

One of the many reasons why life is easier this time around is that my older three kids are much  more self sufficient.

When we need to head out the door, I can instruct the kids to get their shoes on, go to the van and buckle up.  A few minutes later the baby and I  arrive at the van.  I buckle him in, do a quick seatbelt check on the big kids and we hit the road.

This works wonderfully…

except for when it doesn’t…

Like the time I pulled into the parking lot at church, open the side door and find my 5 yr old barefoot.  When questioned about her missing shoes, she responded, “ I couldn’t find them!”   As I sent her to SS barefoot her sweet teacher (and mother of 6) assured me it wasn’t the first time (which actually made me wonder, if she meant it wasn’t the first time someone came to SS with no shoes or if it wasn’t the first time MY DAUGHTER came to SS without shoes…I didn’t ask). 

Then there’s my three year old, who when faced with a similar dilemma, went a different route.

And of course mom doesn’t realize she’s not wearing matching shoes until she gets out of the van at the grocery store.

(yes…her dress in on backwards…another by product of our self sufficiency)

Apparently, I have a few questions I need to add to my check list before backing out of the driveway.  1.  Is everyone here?  2.  Seatbelts buckled? 3.  Shoes on?  4.  Shoes match?