Keeping it Real

Re-Entry is Rough

July 12, 2011

While our world wind trip to and from Florida went off really without a hitch, the 48 hrs since pulling into our driveway have been anything but smooth sailing.

Allow me to complain…

We got home at 9pm on Sunday night… we unloaded what we had to, put the kids to bed and sat on the couch.

Monday morning was back to reality… Scott had to be at work at 8, and the oldest two had to be at church at 8:45 for VBS. I was so, so tempted to keep them home… and just spend the day in our pjs catching up on laundry and unpacking.

Part of me wishes I had done just that. But, I took them to church (late of course) then went to pick up our dog from my friends house. My friend graciously offered to watch the youngest 2 while I went to Aldi to pick up a few things. I was so excited, going to run a quick errand and then visit with a friend before picking the kids up from church.

I don’t shop at Aldi very often. I think all of my friends do, but me. Truth is, it’s out of the way, and not convenient so I don’t go. But, since I was in the area and kid less, I figured I’d check it out. Well, I forgot all about the fact you need a quarter to get your cart… couldn’t find a quarter anywhere in my van… if only you could pay for your cart with cheerios, then I’d be set…no problem, this won’t get me down, the kids aren’t with me, I’ll just grab what I can and make more than one trip… yes, that’s right, my bright idea was to make 4 different trips through Aldi carrying everything. Perhaps I should be thankful that after trip one, when the cashier rang me up, I learned the other Aldi rule… they only take cash or debit cards. And of course I couldn’t remember my pin number to save my life.

I left Aldi’s empty handed.

Had a great visit with my friend and then back to church for the kids… it is hot and humid… got the kids and finally got them all buckled (which is not an easy feat with the current car seat configuration that we used for our long car ride)… more than ready to get home, eat, shower and on with the day… only the car won’t start.

Try, try, try some more… same stinkin result.

The kids and the dog and I waited in the church parking lot for Scott to come and rescue us. He is finally able to get it to go and he drives the kids home, while I follow in his car. He then takes the car to the mechanic. I was tired… frustrated… and so ready for a break.

When my son prayed that evening, he prayed that tomorrow would be a better day with less fighting.

As I talked to my dear friend on the phone, I shared the misery of my day and how bad I felt for taking it out on the kids.

She responded, “I didn’t think you yelled at your kids ever.”

For real? How is it that my best friend thinks I never yell at my kids? I have tried to make it my aim in life to be transparent/the real deal. Seems I have failed at this big time. So, blogging friends… yes, my kids are a victim of my imperfection and I do yell at my kids. No, I am not proud of it. I like to think I don’t do it all the time, but truthfully, I do it more than I’d like to admit.

Day 2: A friend graciously offers to take my kids to VBS for me since I am without a van. I invite her and her younger 2 to visit after she drops them off. This is a new friend whom I just met this spring. I appreciate her a lot. Unfortunately, I think every time we have gotten together my house is either messy or my kids are misbehaving.

Today, she got to witness both.

Humbling to say the least.

This afternoon we head to gymnastics (hooray for having the van back). While my oldest has her class, I take the younger three for Aldi Attempt 2 (this time I came armed with my quarter and my pin number). I left with food and a screaming baby. After a quick stop at a friends for a little “thinking of you treat” I leave sooner than planned b/c the baby is still screaming (we’re not in Florida anymore)…back to gymnastics, hoping to catch the last 15 minutes and visit with my friend in the waiting room, only to head back to the car b/c my kids are misbehaving… insert more humble pie and a big ol dose of frustration.

I went home a different route than normal b/c I wanted to pick up sweet corn from the farm stand.

The stand was closed.

And then as my kids are whining about the dinner I had packed for them, the baby is crying again… I suddenly notice the car is making a weird noise AND it seems low on my side…

Long story short (yea… this post seems anything but short), after a few failed attempts, I finally reach Scott, he comes with a cold coke and 2 bags of mini Oreos… he teaches my son how to change a tired and we’re finally home.

I know I should be so thankful we didn’t break down on our trip. Instead I broke down at church. A safe and comfortable place to get stranded.

I know I should be so thankful I didn’t get my flat on the side of 95 in the middle of the night.

And on one hand I am, truly thankful.

But, to be honest, on the other hand, I am fed up with this week and can’t believe it’s only Tuesday.

Re-entry has been rough, Wednesday, please be nice to me, kay?

{ 6 comments }

Keeping It Real

July 1, 2011

in Keeping it Real

It seems it might be time to do a “keepin it real” post of the circus life.

Because blogging is a funny thing… I typically write my blog posts during nap/quiet time… when the kids are all off in separate rooms sleeping or playing quietly alone… and well, that sweet time of day allows a mom to gather herself… grab a bit to eat, relish in the quiet and it sets a very different tone than if I was writing in the morning while 4 kids are pulling on my legs asking for food or complaining. And rarely do I think to grab the camera when my living room is covered in dirty clothes and toys and my sink is overflowing with dishes… those most often are not the memories I seek to savor for later. And so, those most often aren’t the moments I blog about. But, then as a result, when I sit down to blog, I tend to write more of the gushy stuff. Which I do want to record and remember in years to come (or even next week when the kids are hitting each other and screaming b/c we have 2 swings on our swing set but 3 “swingers”). But, I also don’t want to just record those moments…

So, here are a few typical real moments at the circus…

I think the morning “rush hour” is one of the most stressful times at the circus abode… Scott is rushing to get out the door, I am trying to help him so he isn’t late, the kids are hungry, they want their vitamins, they want their chocolate milk or OJ, and their tv show…and Momma just wants her coffee and a few minutes to check Facebook and e-mail. So I am packing a lunch, making Ovaltine, pouring cereal, making toast, making coffee and all usually while having to pee. Harsh words are often uttered. And I feel bad. And I know that if I just got up 30 min earlier it would be different. But typically, in my head I think “I should get up an hour earlier and run and do my Bible study and then have a cup of coffee in quiet while reading the computer and then be ready to greet my kids with a smile and breakfast on the table”… but then I don’t feel like getting up an hour earlier to run or read my Bible and so instead of even getting up even 15 min earlier to pee and make my coffee… instead I sleep until I hear Scott in the shower (or ummm getting out of the shower) and then I drag myself out of bed with children clamoring on me saying, “Mom, I want…” and me thinking, “Tomorrow I’m getting up before the kids…”

Most mornings my sink looks like this.

I know it would be easier if I did them the night before and started the day with a clean kitchen, but 2 nights a week I feed the kids early and Scott and I eat after they are in bed. I just don’t feel like doing dishes after 9. We typically eat our dinner, enjoy some quiet conversation (though often interrupted by kids needing something) and then sit down to watch TV. I don’t feel like first cleaning up the kitchen before watching TV. I’m tired and ready for the day to be done.

And there ya have it, a little dose of reality or a helpin of humble pie served to you this 4th of July weekend. And now I need to finish packing the van before quiet time is over!!

{ 4 comments }

A Few Little Gems

June 29, 2011

in Circus Shots,growing up,Keeping it Real,Motherhood

While looking through pictures recently, I stumbled across a few which truly captured life at the circus in its essence.

Exhibit A: taken in December of 2010

Here they are working on the pine wood derby car for Cub Scouts. Notice how everyone, even the baby, is in on the action? Noticed the leotard? My girls wear leotards every.single.day…. even though gymnastics is only twice a week, I can guarantee you those leotards are on more often than that. Also, noticed my baby ripping his sisters glasses off? He still loves to go for those glasses. I love how he isn’t even looking at her, just out of the corner of his eye, he spots them and goes in for the grab…

Exhibit B: Taken in September of 2010

Here we are keeping the baby occupied. My oldest son was reading to his little brother and then his sister had to follow suit. It’s September and yet my daughter is wearing her bathing suit (even though I can pretty much guarantee you we didn’t go swimming that day) and my oldest son is wearing an astronaut suit that is WAAAAY too small for him. I believe his 3 yr old sister could fit into that more appropriately.

Exhibit C: Also taken in September of 2010

I call this one tolerating tummy time. And it really shows a lot about my son’s personality. He was not a big fan of tummy time. And even though his sisters are doing their best to entertain him… love how my 5 yr old is going to town on the baby piano for him, he really is not at all thrilled with this whole tummy time thing. But he doesn’t cry… doesn’t complain… just lays there on his belly with a look that says, “How long Mom?” “How long do I have to endure this?”

Something tells me that these pictures, not the posed group shots of them all smiling sweetly, these little glimpses of everyday life at the circus, are the ones I will treasure 20 years from now. I’ll look at them and remember this crazy stage of life when the days were loooong and the years flew by way to fast. Oh, how I love the chaos and costumes that makes up the circus life.

{ 2 comments }

Feeling Insignificant?

June 22, 2011

in Darndest Things,Keeping it Real,Motherhood

Last week after telling my kids the Bible story of baby Moses, I decided to offer a little application for them. I pointed out how neat it was that God took care of Moses as a baby by allowing the princess to find him. I even told how amazing it was that his own mother was allowed to take care of him before he went to live at the palace. After discussing how Moses grew up in the Egyptian palace, I pointed out how God used that later in his life when Moses led the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt. I was going on about how we don’t understand the plans God has for our lives, but he has special plans for each of our lives, and just like God had a plan for Moses, he has a plan for each of them.

Of course my son had to be argumentative (is 7 the new 13 or is this just at the circus?) and say he didn’t think there was anything special about his life. Which I then refuted, telling them that long before they were even in my belly, God had planned out their entire life and he did indeed have a special plan for each of them.

My son, then replies, “Well, what about you Mom? God didn’t do anything special with your life.”

Seriously folks, motherhood is not for the faint of heart… ya gotta be thick skinned to survive this stuff.

I refuted with the fact that I thought my life was pretty special… look I get to raise and take care of 4 special kids (sweet, loving kids who think the world of their mother… ahem) and FURTHERMORE… I pointed out… my life is not over… who knows what other things God has planned for me or through me… thankyouverymuch!

But, apparently, you gotta lead God’s people out of captivity and into the promised land in order to be considered special around here.

{ 7 comments }

Self Sufficient…to a point…

June 19, 2011

in Darndest Things,Keeping it Real

One of the many reasons why life is easier this time around is that my older three kids are much more self sufficient.

When we need to head out the door, I can instruct the kids to get their shoes on, go to the van and buckle up. A few minutes later the baby and I arrive at the van. I buckle him in, do a quick seatbelt check on the big kids and we hit the road.

This works wonderfully…

except for when it doesn’t…

Like the time I pulled into the parking lot at church, open the side door and find my 5 yr old barefoot. When questioned about her missing shoes, she responded, “ I couldn’t find them!” As I sent her to SS barefoot her sweet teacher (and mother of 6) assured me it wasn’t the first time (which actually made me wonder, if she meant it wasn’t the first time someone came to SS with no shoes or if it wasn’t the first time MY DAUGHTER came to SS without shoes…I didn’t ask).

Then there’s my three year old, who when faced with a similar dilemma, went a different route.

And of course mom doesn’t realize she’s not wearing matching shoes until she gets out of the van at the grocery store.

(yes…her dress in on backwards…another by product of our self sufficiency)

Apparently, I have a few questions I need to add to my check list before backing out of the driveway. 1. Is everyone here? 2. Seatbelts buckled? 3. Shoes on? 4. Shoes match?

{ 5 comments }

Turning the Day Around

June 10, 2011

in Keeping it Real

This morning I was reminded what a great gift forgiveness is. It was a rough morning… the last day of a very busy week with not as much down time as we’re accustomed to. I felt the fatigue that morning with heavy eyes searching for the remote to buy me a few more moments of rest before I hit the to do list. I noticed the fatigue in children who quickly burst into tears or whiny screams over rather insignificant things.

And then, it happened…

I was busy trying to clean up the kitchen b/c we’re having a new oven delivered and installed today and it seemed having a table still full of breakfast dishes and a sink overflowing as well, wasn’t the face I wanted to present to the world. A temper tantrum erupted, I can’t recall over what, but I do know that my 3 yr old wasn’t just whining she was screaming (a new tactic of hers which I find incredibly annoying)… just screaming at an ear piercing decibel).

I screamed back. Yelled at her to stop screaming, STOP SCREAMING, your brother is sleeping… be QUIET… BE QUIET, I yelled.

Yes, the irony of my response is not lost on me.

I sent everyone to a room to chill. It was only 10am so I knew we couldn’t try for naps yet, but yet,I knew we all needed some space. So I barked out for everyone to find a room and play quietly ALONE.

And as I looked at her face, saw her crying, I knew I had messed up. I knew I hadn’t handled the situation well at all. I added to the chaos of the moment, rather than controlling the climate.

And so, I apologized. I looked into those teary eyes and I said, “I am sorry for yelling at you. You shouldn’t have been screaming and that was wrong, but I was wrong to scream at you. Please forgive me.”

And she did.

Instantly. A smile lit up her face and we embraced in a hug. And I was reminded again what a sweet gift that forgiveness is. It’s a beautiful thing.

We all then enjoyed a little quiet time doing our own things… me dishes, my son Legos, my daughter drawing, and my other daughter playing with her animals…

The morning had been redeemed thanks to a restart. I called them out of their breaks and we worked together on some more “fun” aspects of house cleaning, the mood dramatically lighter in the circus house. In fact, we we got so much done that I went into lunch with a bounce in my step… the house looks MUCH better, the kids were working together and I even tackled a few of those odd jobs that never seemed to get to the top of the to do list (ie… bleaching out the trashcans).

I wish I hadn’t yelled at her to stop screaming. I wish I had calmly asked her to stop and redirected her behavior without joining in it. But, I am thankful for God’s grace evident in my family this morning. Thankful for a chance to apologize and move on. Thankful for a heart willing to forgive. Thankful for a break and an opportunity to start over and thankful that when nap time did finally roll around, we began it with light hearts, ready to go take a break, not with exasperated spirits at the end of their ropes. I am thankful for a day turned around.

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